DaveShearon

Konkatsu -- "marriage hunting" -- but why?

Today's Wall Street Journal has this front page story on "kondatsu" or "marriage  hunting" -- the hot new thing in Japan.  Apparently it is more popular among women than men, and the economy has something to do with that.  One 35-year-old female office worker is quoted as saying, "I want to get married because I sometimes feel like quitting my job."  Yikes!  Relationships are foundational to well-being, happiness, the "good life."  (No, you do NOT have to be married to be happy or live the good life; not my point.)  But entering a primary relationship on the basis of such reasons is not an indicator of good times ahead!  Don't know how prevalent such feelings are in the US, or how much young American males perceive such thoughts to be driving interest in marriage in the young women they meet.  But, to the extent males sense it, it has to be a huge turnoff to the idea of marriage.

Happy/Excited to Happy/Calm -- Age & Meditation

Research out of Stanford University suggests that younger folks (under 25) tend to associate happiness with excitement, while those over 50 tend to associate it with calm and serenity, connectedness with others and with the moment.  Further, when younger folks practice loving-kindness meditation, they tend to feel more connected to others and to the moment and they also experience happiness in calmness and serenity. 

The research design included surveying 12 million blogs for association of the word "happy" with high-arousal or low-arousal words.  This result was confirmed both in a survey of adults aged 18-78 and in an experiment in which participants listened to either exciting or a peaceful version of the song "Such Great Heights" and reported how happy they felt.  Younger subjects reported feeling happier when listening to the exciting version.  Older subjects reported greater happiness when listening to the peaceful version. 

Finally, after practicing a loving-kindness meditation for six minutes, younger participants tended to report feeling more connected and in-the-moment than they younger subjects who did not meditate.  On the other hand, older subjects who did not meditate were just as connected and in-the-moment as those who did, suggesting that these qualities naturally increase with age.  Younger subjects who participated in the meditation defined happiness more as peacefulness than did their peers who did not meditate.  In this, they gained a perspective more like that which they would naturally acquire later in life. 

Given that we know most folks are not very good at prediciting how much certain experiences will affect their happiness, perhaps one benefit of meditation for younger adults would be an increase in the ability to choose goals that would promote happiness throughout life.

photos: arinsaed by Haeroldus Laudeus, Stillness by  h.koppdelaney

Exercising for happiness

Exercise is a well-known for boosting happiness, busting depression.  Tal Ben-Shahar says that humans are designed to move, and that not moving is like taking a depressant.  From the research on the anti-depressive effects of exercise, I usually suggest 3X per week of the equivalent of a 30-minute brisk walk.  But, perhaps the dose can be less.  From today's NY Times blog on wellness comes this article on research suggesting that three or four 20-30 second bursts of all-out effort with four minutes rest in between done three times per week can produce the same physiological effects as 90-120 minutes on a stationary bike, also three times per week.  Effect on happiness unknown.  Photo: "indoor bike racing" by willsfca

More support for the social big brain

The theory that the human brain's size and complexity evolved in response to the need to manage the complexity of group relationships gains more support as reported in this post from Futurepundit.  It seems brain size increased most in areas where populations were most dense, with corresponding social complexity.

We are so wired to deal with social relationships that we treat animals and machines as part of our social world. A recent poll found that 86% of American pet owners considered their pet a member of the family.  And Byron Reeves and Clifford Nass in The Media Equation have shown how little it takes to get us to treat machines as humans.

Or, as Chris Peterson sums up positive psychology, "Other people matter."

Dilbert & "The Lawyer Guy"

In today's Dilbert cartoon, Scott Adams has the evil Dogbert, CEO, telling his flunky that the company is paying too much in taxes. He demands a physicist and a tax lawyer.  In the next frame, sitting with the physicist and lawyer, he says, "I want to incorporate in another dimension."  The physicist responds, "Somewhere in the multiverse, it is already done."  Dogbert, says, "I like you.  The lawyer guy is fired."

Lawyers are often seen as the "No can do" folks.   Sometimes, that's ok.  Sometimes, the proposed path of action is illegal, or too close to it.  Hopefully, sometimes, it is because the path is simply the wrong thing to do.  That is to say, hopefully lawyers are also offering counsel on the basis of values, purpose, and goals aligned therewith. We can be clear on the basis of the advice -- legal mandates or ethical, purpose-based considerations -- but when we stand mute on these issues, we forfeit our highest and best role in society.  And we lose meaning and purpose in our own lives. 

However, we also need to be path-finders as well as nay-sayers.  What is the legal and purpose-aligned way forward?  To fill this role, lawyers need enough positivity in their lives and relationships to generate creativity, collegiality, and commitment to purpose.

Hate, humor, and hit counts

My monthly post is up over at Positive Psychology News Daily.  It looks at hate-filled blogging, hit counts, local politics, and well-being, with a little of Disney's Lady & the Tramp thrown in for good measure!

"This is a disaster waiting to happen."

"A big one.  You know, the kind only cockroaches survive." 

Great line spoken by a Nashville native, Reese Witherspoon as Melanie Smooter in Sweet Home Alabama.  Other great lines:

"You can't ride two hosses with one ass, sugar babe."

"Why don't you go back to your double-wide and fry something?"

Optimism - Expectational and Explanatory

optimism at morenewmath.com:

Love this. 

Future expectancy optimism (Carver & Scheier) deals with our expectations as to what percentage of all future possibilities are good things.  Someone with high levels of expectancy optimism anticipates lots of good things happening and not many bad things. 

 Explanatory optimism (Seligman), on the other hand, deals with how we explain good and bad things after they happen.  An explanatory pessimist sees the causes of bad things as personal, permanent, and pervasive: "I'm at fault because of the kind of person I am; it's always going to be this way, and it's going to affect everything in my life."

Expectancy optimism and explanatory optimism are only somewhat correlated.  In other words, it's possible to be an

• expectational pessimist and an explanatory optimist -- "More bad than good is going to happen, but the bad will be luck and the good will be because of me."  
• expectational optimist and an explanatory pessimist -- "More good than bad is going to happen, but the bad will be my fault and the good will be luck." 
• flaming optimist, both expectational and explanatory -- "More good than bad is going to happen because I make it so." 
• thorough-going pessimist, also both are expectational and explanatory -- "Lots of bad things are going to happen and they will be my fault."

Shop Class as Soulcraft

I saw a review of this book recently, and it made me think of the points I make in this post from last month about the tendency of college-educated school board members, superintendents and other policy leaders. We tend to de-value jobs that do not require college educations. Big mistake. Huge.